Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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