2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
