Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
that may or may not have been my penis.
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