Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize