so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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