I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize