Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
