Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
