I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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