every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
