Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
