Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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