wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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