what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When are your genitals available?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
