You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
