theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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