so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
