does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
