once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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