Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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