If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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