I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
