This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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