I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
