i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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