I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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