I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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