guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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