Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
