I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
