So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
