she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
