It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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