The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
