Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
