I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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