and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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