That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Small penises have feelings too.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
