i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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