she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
