Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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