ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
