Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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