Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
