How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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