i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
