You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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