So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
