I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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