When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
