3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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