My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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