Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
