he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
