She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize