It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
try to milk me bitch
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
