Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
