I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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