I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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