420 ftw
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
