My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
