My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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