I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
