So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
