I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
