Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
