Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
