mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
