Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
