I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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