I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
