we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
