I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
