This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
