Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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