opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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